What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 02:46
Who then, do I blame.?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
What was your most memorable experience catching a fraudulent car seller?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
What are some of your favorite hip hop lyrics?
I have no regrets .
Comes on , in middle age.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
This is soul school!.
I was seconnd youngest,
How do I deal with autistic burnout/meltdown/shutdown when cooking?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
How do I find a luxury service apartment in Gurgaon?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
How can I watch porn on TikTok?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
How do you recognize when your mental health might need attention?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why would my ex block me after I blocked him?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But ive been too sick for many years..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Put me off passion for life!!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was 9 years of age.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She was in good health!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
When she asked me how she looked .
I was scared of men, in general
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
It was going to be , some day.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He resisted the act ,that day.
(And it was in our own minds.)
As i do to all so called friends.?
Ive learnt so much.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
All the time i was locked up.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She loved him until the end.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He knew the spot.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
So whats the point in blame.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We were not on the streets..
So, i spoilt her more .
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
What did i know ?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My life is so biszare .
I said to her
Why did i forgive my father ?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My family never makes their pension either.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We all went to grammer schools
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Would this be the day?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I write beautiful poetry .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She married twice! .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I think the readers, may guess!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I will be 64.
One cannot live in the past .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I could never make a relationship work though!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And i lived it daily.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She found it foreign!.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She wouldn,t have been !
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But, we were locked up after school.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im still living with it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was very sick at this time too.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I couldn’t, believe it.
I don,t even have a pension.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But it wasn’t much.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Was to survive, this bastard.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I waited trembling.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..